For the moment, let's not listen to what women say they desire in a man. Rather, we will observe their actual choices for a mate. The difference between their words and their actions reveal a lot.
Some women say that they want guys who will listen to them and will value their opinions. But then they go out with men who dominate the conversation. Others say they want a sensitive and gentle man. Then they choose to date a man with big muscles or perhaps has a lot of money.
Why the contradictions between what they tell us and who they choose? To understand this, you will need to understand what attraction actually is and how evolution has wired it into us.
First, understand that attraction isn't something that can be controlled or programmed. Men and women alike have little or no control over the 'chemistry' of attraction. This 'chemistry' is an instinctual drive placed in us by evolution for the purpose of propagating our species.
Men are attracted to women that are healthy and fertile. This is why women who are young and who have a body shape of a certain proportion tend be favored by most men. Youth and curves are the signs of high fertility. Some men might tell us that other qualities are more important, but their baser instincts drive them toward fertile women.
When it comes to attraction or 'chemistry', women are driven by their base instincts as well. Women are naturally drawn to men who can ensure the survival of their children. Hence they feel attraction toward strong fit men who are of high status. A fit man with high status will be a better provider than a weak man of low status.
Men of high status are the leaders who are aggressive and tend to take charge. These are the alpha males or the 'real men' that women refer to. That's why big muscles and wealth or power hold a greater attraction to women than a good listener who is nice.
Back when we were tribal hunter/gatherers, being a good listener or being nice to our women was irrelevant to survival. The only thing that mattered was having the confidence to bring home the bacon. These were the qualities that made it possible for a man to be a good provider.
Now it's easy to understand why women are sexually indifferent to nice guys. Or guys who have no confidence and are unable to take charge. These are not sexy qualities for a guy.
Not all men have big muscles but they aren't necessary if you project strength and vigor in other ways. This is accomplished by your posture, your clothing, the way you walk, and your level of physical fitness. You can also project strength in the way that you behave around people. The wimpy guy is not sexy.
Many people may object that the qualities of attraction are superficial. And in one sense, that's correct. But the mechanism of attraction is also superficial. It is primordial and basic. It's a powerful driving force that has maintained the propagation of our species.
While the qualities described here are attractive to women, they don't help at building long term relationships. However, that's another topic. Remember, before you can have a relationship you'll need to know how to attract her first.
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